No.
Let's take a look at their current roster's ideal lineup.
1. Michael Brantley, CF — "Who the hell is Michael Brantley?" you might ask. And you should. I've been assured by many people that he's "going to develop" but I've never seen him do anything but ground out.
2. Jason Kipnis, 2B — This guy is good, or he had a really hot month before his recent injuries. "Injuries?" you ask, and you should, because this is the point where I should mention that every one of these guys is a huge pussy who somehow gets injured playing baseball.
3. Asdrubal Cabrera, SS — This guy is also good. I like everything about Asdrubal Cabrera, a little too much. After this brief Kipnis/Cabrera respite, the nightmare continues.
4. Grady Sizemore, LF — I put Sizemore in left field because he has the knees, back, ribs, wrists, and vagina of a sour old grandwoman. He rose to prominence as a daredevil speedster, and now he's a power hitter for some reason. It makes no sense, except for the fact that he's the guy the Indians stuck with, so why shouldn't he completely fuck up everything that made him good?
5. Shin-Soo Choo, RF — Has one of those weird Asian swings.
6. Carlos Santana, C — Can't catch, and bats .215. Supposedly he has good sabermetrics stats, but you know what else (it looks like) he has? A bad attitude. He's either super chill or a totally dismissive dick.
7. Travis Hafner, DH — A big, brittle man who hits doubles and then gets thrown out later at third or home. Usually injured.
8. Matt LaPorta, 1B — This guy fucking sucks.
9. Lonnie Chisenhall, 3B — Average defender with a beautiful swing, which he uses to slap the first available pitch to a middle infielder.
Pitching Staff
Ubaldo Jimenez, SP — Terrible mechanics, location, ERA, and regressing abilities. Ace of the staff.
Justin Masterson, SP — A very good pitcher who has a shitty record because the above lineup becomes especially pathetic when he's on the mound. Probably because he's a bald white guy, and everybody hates us.
Fausto Carmona, SP — He's the farm-system version of Ubaldo Jimenez.
Josh Tomlin, SP — Crafty lefty. This guy's a real pitcher, but he doesn't have a real pitcher's size, so fuck him.
David Huff, SP — I heard this guy's good, but he's in the minors most of the time.
Who cares about middle relievers?
Chris Perez, Closer — This guy is going to get exposed one of these days. I can't figure out how he's not getting shelled repeatedly. Chubby white guy with long hair—not exactly intimidating.
Manny Acta, Manager — Gotta give him credit for keeping this collection of jerkoffs competitive, but despite that he also seems like kind of a shitty manager.
In summation, it's amazing that this team is competing for a division title, but that's probably more an indication of a rancid division than a worthwhile lineup.
Go Tribe!
