4/20

[the *schck* of a lighter's igniter, and a puffing, and a faint crackling, and a rush of air]


An honest question/thought one of my friends once asked himself, which he later relayed to me—something I could relate to and have chewed over many times since:

"How can I love myself one moment and completely hate myself the next?"


He's truly the person with the greatest combination of talent and wisdom I have ever known, and it was initially quite shocking to me to hear him say that. I have been told I am a person of significant talent, and for as long as I can remember I have battled with exactly what he said.

I loved and hated him, too.

Haha jp I was talking about myself of course (this is a blog).

So, the safe assumption would be that we're both possibly talented, bipolar people. But at this point, with this many people on this many pills, I propose that we need to start looking for philosophical rather than medical answers to what the fuck is going on here. The human body and brain are built to survive, but I think we're ruining our brains with ideas rather than the idea that somehow our brains, after 4 billion years of evolution, have suddenly turned against us and require chemical boosters and suppressors.

And actually, after these great many years, I have come up with an answer to my friend's question, but it as an answer worthy of more than a blog post.

It is an answer—a series of answers—that might one day sit on your bookshelf, unread, haha.

Until then, I leave you with this, which was told to me by another friend, and which also felt to me like the clear clanging of the bell of a quiet many people's worldview:

"Anyone who doesn't think about killing themselves every day, should kill themselves."

Hey, fuckin' Baby Boomers, these are the things your children are thinking about. Besides giving us the Internet, and our lives, you have been shit. Thanks for so many things that are completely fucked, I won't even begin to count them all—lest I end this post with a call for your blood!

[loud exhale, coughing]