Congratulations, You Bastard

Today's Glaring Sign That I Might Be The Problem:


I lived with Jordan Likover for six years in Southern California, and then last October he quit his job, packed his things, and GTFAway from me. Four months later, he won Conan O'Brien's Twitter-bio contest.


In short, I'm a piece of shit.


Congratulations, Jordan, you bastard.

"I'm not gonna let you hold me down anymore!" Jordan shouted out the window

while Dan looked around nervously for witnesses, because that sounded kind of gay